Naseeruddin Shah admitted to being an immature husband to first wife Purveen, neglected daughter Heeba, later married Ratna Pathak whom he calls the only love of his life |

Naseeruddin Shah and Ratna Pathak Shah are widely regarded as one of the longest-lasting couples in Hindi cinema, known for their honesty, mutual respect and enduring bonds. However, long before the two got married in 1982, Naseeruddin faced difficulties in his first marriage with Purveen Murad, also known as Manara Sikri, sister of late actor Surekha Sikri. The couple had a daughter, Heeba, and in his autobiography And One Day, the former actor reflects candidly on this topic of his life, admitting that he was an immature husband and a distant father in his early twenties.The story begins in the late 1960s when 19-year-old Naseeruddin Shah was studying at Aligarh Muslim University and developed an interest in acting. Although his family did not support his plans, Purveen, a 34-year-old medical student at the university, became his biggest supporter. Encouraged by the one person who believed in his dreams, Naseer fell in love even though he was 15 years old, and the two tied the knot.The marriage, however, faced opposition from both families. Naseer’s relatives objected because Purveen was a divorcee and a mother of two, while her family worried that the young actor might leave the relationship. In order to convince them, Naseer agreed to pay for the wedding if the marriage ended, not knowing that their relationship would begin to deteriorate.A year after their marriage, the couple welcomed their daughter, Heeba. Instead of strengthening their relationship, parenting exposed the cracks in their marriage. Looking back at his writings, Naseer takes full responsibility for his shortcomings. He writes, “In the intervening period, Purveen had changed dramatically, and my lack of understanding of the miracle that had taken place in him and the neglect of my expectations did not help. Many violent quarrels, which I always had the worst of, were the result. “Reflecting on his childhood, the actor admits that he did not have the maturity to support his wife during her pregnancy.“I couldn’t contribute in any way to make her feel better. I found that sex was difficult too. My mind was already wandering and I was beginning to mess with R, a good-looking second-year student who, as a prostitute in NSD’s production of The Threepenny Opera, had caught my attention earlier.”By the time Purveen entered the final months of her pregnancy, Naseer had enrolled at the National School of Drama, where his passions overtook his interest.“But I, without the knowledge of the responsibility it brought, the difficulties that are part of the whole union, and then the indescribable joy it brings, I had no time to preserve the life that I was helping to bring to the world; only my own pleasure was the priority, nothing else,” he writes.The actor also admitted how isolated he was from everything his wife was going through at the time.“Sometimes I would steal flowers from the university garden and bring them to Purveen in my round basket. That made her happy, but besides that I played the part of the disgusting youth to perfection. Father’s role was beyond me.”Although her mother-in-law scolded her and gradually started helping her with household chores, including washing the dishes, she admits that her distance from him grew.“Little by little I began to resent the child that was coming between me and the only woman who gave me any attention; and when the child finally arrived, the neglect I showed would embarrass me decades later.”Four days after Heeba’s birth, Naseer returned to NSD to avoid losing part of his studies due to missing classes. Although the birth of her daughter helped to improve her relationship with her father, it did little to restore her marriage.“Heeba’s arrival brought me and Baba together for a while, but now Purveen’s chasm had widened. Her whole life was now on Heeba and she and I had nothing more important to say to each other.Looking back, the actor says that his behavior can be explained by his immaturity, although it was not appropriate.“My indifference to Heeba can only be explained, though not admitted, by saying that I was then an insecure, unorganized twenty-one-year-old with no idea of ​​what it takes to raise a newborn baby, and I completely neglected my share of the duties while foolishly trying at the same time to assert my rights as a man.”When communication with Purveen broke down, the marriage ended.“The only way to deal with a woman, in a country according to the Shahs, was to be strong and authoritative. Not knowing that I didn’t have all the power, I retreated into an angry shell. It hurt me to know that I was no longer the most important thing in Purveen’s life.”He also said that for many years he struggled to fall in love with his daughter.“I don’t know how I will look if I say that for a long time I have not heard anything about baby Heeba, but it is important for me to reveal. He didn’t read at all; It was as if it was not there.”During this time, Naseer had already met Ratna Pathak through theatre. The two fell in love but waited until 1982 to get married as his divorce from Purveen was still pending. According to the actor, the resolution of the agreed terms of separation took several years. In his books, he refers to Ratna as the “only love” of his life.They, too, faced opposition in their relationship in the early days. Speaking to The Lallantop, Ratna recalled that both families were skeptical, mainly because acting was seen as an unsustainable profession.“So, this is the problem, and on top of that he was an actor. Back then, Naseer used to hear, ‘How can a boy with such a face be an actor?’ Even if you are the best player, survival in this industry is not guaranteed. It’s a hard life.”